The Haven garbage bin : Spam Edition

Pulled it out of from a zombie's mouth?

Nope, Mutant rank

Herpa Durp.

6 levels done with This Spear. I need a break. How do people be like Thomas the Map Making Machine and map a day every day? Exhausting!

http://www.joemonster.org/gry/32283/Wolfenstein_1_D

Someone told me long ago, there's a calm before the storm.
I know, and it's been comin' for some time.
When it's over, so they say, it'll rain a sunny day.
I know, shinin' down like water.

I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain
comin' down on a sunny day?

Yesterday, and days before, sun is cold and rain is hard.
I know, been that way for all my time.
'Til forever on it goes through the circle fast and slow,
I know, and it can't stop, I wonder.

I want to know, have you ever seen the rain?
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain
comin' down on a sunny day?

Atina wrote:http://www.joemonster.org/gry/32283/Wolfenstein_1_D

WAIT, WHAT THE HELL? Wolf3d 1-D! Whoop!

wow

took you just more than month to notice link xd

I look back at page 1 of the spam thread. The spam there is top quality.

I'm gonna sue whoever created Call of Duty

Ysosrs?

I see you finished This Spear. Gotta try it another time, not now, I'm busy.

Is "meh" like your signature? Lol. Fun.

Gewd gamed.

Wha.

Dark_wizzie wrote:

Software that should be bundled into every web browser!

Even Maxton?? (

Andy wrote:

Dark_wizzie wrote:

Software that should be bundled into every web browser!

Let me explain why I’d rather it doesn’t get bundled into any browser! Autocorrect gets annoying especially when you’re typing the kinds of names that Hindus, Muslims, Buddhists, Israelis, and Swahilis have. I don’t make fun of message board posters that I don’t know with bad spelling because they might not speak English as a first language. Also, I believe that we should look out for people with spelling problems because they might be like Schizophrenic serial killer Ted Kaczynski, Nigerian email scammers, or some of the anti-American terrorists who don’t understand English spelling or grammar. I know that I’m sounding too serious, but I’ve taken Criminology and some of the people with mental problems have insane sentence structure or grammar. Plus, I don’t want autocorrect telling me how to spell personal names like Mikaela, Michaela, Mikahla, Christina, Krystina, Kristen, Christin, Veronica, Veronique, Erika, Erica, Sarah, Sara, Hannah, Hanna, Clair, Claire, Natalie, Natalee, Natalia, Katy, Katie, Katee, Katia, Catia, Kathryn, Katherine, Catherine, Caitlyn, Kaitlyn, Kate Lynn, Julie, Julee, Julia, Janine, Janeane, Ashleigh, Ashlee, Ashley, Geoff, Jeff, Matthew, Mathew, Mohammed, Muhammad, Xerxes, Ataxerxes, Nebuchadnezzar, Nebochadrazzer, Montezuma, Moctezuma, Mao Tse-Tung, Mao Ze-Dong, Christos, Christus, Roman names, Pharaoh names, and others. Montezuma and Moctezuma must have been Grandfather and Grandson. Nebuchadnezzar and Nebochadrazzer were related. Romans and Pharaohs have different spellings depending on the translation and rendition that you read them in. Also, I’ve heard that the earlier child proofing software for blocking web sites are almost counterproductive because they can do things like flag the word “breast” in “breast cancer,” “chicken breast,” “breast feeding,” and other examples.

The Grammar Nazi Software would probably drop dead if it had to proofread the Schizophrenia at http://www.timecube.com . Gene says that he has Schizophrenia and complains about how educated people treat him. Your eyes might hurt from reading his grammar!

The Grammar Nazi Software would probably drop dead if it had to translate the Voynich Manuscript: http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/12.09/rugg.html It’s probably an invented alphabet and gibberish language by a forger. He probably realized his artwork wasn’t the best and wanted to make his work look like it was from a foreign land in order to sell it. I’ve read a lot of theories. One theory is that it’s by an esoteric, Jewish, heretic, or less popular Christian group that coded their writings so that they wouldn’t be persecuted about 600 years ago.

Dark_wizzie, your German Grammar Nazi post reminds me of a few funny things with the German language.

My cousin and her husband speak German. They can say, “Kiss my butt” in German.

The English “Birds and The Bees” means sex. The German word for birds means sex.

I’ve heard that “Die” or “Der” is German for “The.” In English, “die” obviously means “drop dead.”

You can’t try to say “I’m hot” in German because it translates to “I’m sexy” or “I’m gorgeous.” You have to say, “It is hot to me.”

In Spanish if you try to say, “I’m embarrassed,” then you’ve accidentally said, “Estoy embarrassado,” or “Soy embarrassado,” which means “I feel like a pregnant man,” or “I’m a pregnant man.”

John F. Kennedy Sr. went to Berlin, Germany and said, “Ich be ein Berliner.” This was supposed to be “I am a Berliner,” but they laughed because he said, “I am a jelly donut.”

Martin Luther founded Lutheranism at about the same time as the “Diet of Worms.” However, Worms was the name of the city and pronounced “Varms” in English. I think that "Diet" in German means something like assembly or council. A “Diet of Worms” in English sounds unsanitary.

American comedian Conan O’Brien went to Cologne, Germany to meet an impersonator. Conan joked that he’s also going to Aftershaven, Germany.

During WWI or WWII, there were German junkers planes. That’s funny because in English it means pieces of junk.

During the Berlin airlift, Americans sent gifts to East Germany, I believe. Some weren’t opened and then thrown out. That’s because the English “gift” is the German word for “poison.”

We read the English translation of The Diary of Anne Frank. She lived in Holland and said that she had toilet water, which means cologne water.

Albert Einstein, Sigmund Freud, and an Indiana Psychologist that I know spoke German.

I guess that if you combine them all together then The Mother of all German Grammar and Translation Errors would be, “Kiss my butt. Learn about the bird and the bees. I’m a drop-dead gorgeous pregnant man jelly donut in the Diet of Worms, Cologne, Aftershaven, in pieces of junk, and in poisonous toilet water gifts. What would Albert Einstein, Sigmund Freud, or a Psychologist say about that? A Freudian slip is when you say one thing, but you mean your mother. Where’s comedian Chokster when you need her?”

Tl;dr

Probably would still prefer spellcheck on a browser like Chrome. Great stuff.

Anyone notice how after Wolfenstein 3d all the Nazis just speak in German Accented English?

like the guard, for example Wizzie?
He's supposed to say Achtung but I ALWAYS understand What's going

A neutron walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "For you? No charge!"
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Dark_wizzie wrote:A neutron walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "For you? No charge!"
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

An atom walks into a bar.
Bartender: Why are you so sad?
Atom: I've lost an electron.
Bartender: Are you sure?
Atom: I'm positive.

A man walks into a bar and he says, "OOF!"

A priest, minister, and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Is this some kind of joke?

A skeleton walks into a bar. He orders a beer and a mop.

A string walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve strings here." So the string goes outside, ties himself up, unties himself, ties himself up, unties himself, and ties himself up. He walks back into the bar. The bartender says, "I thought I told you we don't serve strings here." The string says, "I'm a frayed not."

Why are New Yorkers so depressed? Because the light at the end of their tunnel is New Jersey!

I'm a perepheral visionary. I can see into the future, but only way off to the sides.

Does your wife have multiple personality disorder? You may have finally have had a threesome!

We park on a driveway and drive on a parkway.

A car carries shipment. A ship carries cargo.

There was a letter to Ann Landers or Dear Abby: "I'm concerned that my boyfriend is cheating on me. How can I be certain that the baby I'm pregnant with is mine?"

There was a headline for counseling or a mental health clinic on Jay Leno's Headlines. Jay Leno said, "This is the most insensitive Headline I've ever seen!" The headline was, "DO YOU HAVE SCHIZOPHRENIA? YOU ARE NOT ALONE!"

I have an itchy big toe on my right foot. True story.

Per-Scan wrote:I have an itchy big toe on my right foot. True story.

Thanks for the info.

^
You're welcome

Anyway, I scratched it hours ago and the itch hasn't come back. So, that's good.

"There's a 50% chance that if you smoke, you'll get cancer."
"Nah, it won't happent o me."
"There's a one in eight million chance to win the lottery."
"This could be my lucky day!"

^
Hey! Have you been reading my diary!?

PS: I didn't win.

Dark_wizzie wrote:"There's a 50% chance that if you smoke, you'll get cancer."
"Nah, it won't happent o me."
"There's a one in eight million chance to win the lottery."
"This could be my lucky day!"

I've heard that you're more likely to be struck by lightning twice within a year than to be The next Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes winner.

Have you ever heard of the movie "Indescent Proposal" with Demi Moore and Robert Redford? It's a tame movie. Demi Moore is another man's wife and sleeps with billionaire Robert Redford for $1 million. Would you sleep with Dick Clark and Ed McMahon for $10 million? Every once in while when millions of dollars were mentioned in college, I would ask guys if they would sleep with Dick Clark and Ed McMahon for $10 million and 2 guys said yes. I would say no.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X14e9Fwxa8w

thats luck or bad luck?

Atina wrote:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X14e9Fwxa8w

thats luck or bad luck?

Thanks for the video link, Atina. I should send this video link to Ripley’s Believe It Or Not.

Yahweh, Jehovah, Zeus, Jupiter, Thor, Odin, and the Japanese Raiden are vengeful thunder or lightning gods that like to strike people with lightning and watch them die!

I was listening to an American radio show called “Paul Harvey’s The Rest of The Story.” An African with a name that I can’t remember or pronounce was struck by lightning on the golf course. The bolt of lightning fused his golf clubs together. He lived.

In Weekly Reader magazine, a man was struck by lightning 7 times in 35 years. The lightning burnt off his eyebrows and hair. I later on read about the same man in a different magazine. The Weekly Reader didn’t notice or didn’t care to mention that he was a park ranger, and committed suicide reportedly after being rejected by a lover.

On a page about statistics, 75% of people struck by lightning survive. Getting struck in the head by lightning feels like getting hit in the head with a sledge hammer.

I’ve heard that a bolt of lightning is hotter than the Sun’s surface or atmosphere.

In Discover, National Geographic, or both there was an article about people struck by lightning. One boy was a football player and the bolt burnt through his helmet. He survived, but he refuses to talk about it. Some people struck by lightning have post-electrocution syndrome. They may have the lightning fractal pattern burnt in their backs temporarily. A woman wearing a cross necklace was struck by lightning, and the heat burned an image of the cross into her chest. She lived.

I was in a shop selling different minerals. One of the minerals was fulgerite, or amorphous petrified glass from lightning: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fulgerite . It had a message that it was mentioned in the movie, “Sweet Home, Alabama.”

My Mom knew somebody that was driving during a storm in our home town. Lightning struck the tree, the tree fell down on the car, and killed her.

Curiously enough, time-lapsed photography actually shows that lightning first strikes from the ground to the sky. Streamers are sent up to the sky apparently to indicate the shortest distance for the strike. Then the lightning that we see strikes the ground. It was in National Geographic and other places.

Lightning does strike the same place twice. I’ve heard that lightning strikes The Empire State Building or Sears Towers about 7 to 10 times a year.

For some reason, people getting struck by lightning remind me of people struck by meteorites. In about 1910, a woman was lying on her couch. A 9 or 10-pound meteor struck her roof, hit her in her stomach, and gave her a bruise. A girl was hit in the foot by a tiny meteorite and she described it as being very hot. A meteorite burned up in the atmosphere over Tunguska/Tungusk, Siberia causing a crater in 1908 and I don’t know if anybody died. I’ve been to the 50,000-year-old crater near Winslow, Arizona.

Every day I tell myself that waking up tomorrow morning when staying up this late will suck. Then next morning, I tell myself I'll never do that again. But I do.

Here is a puzzle:

I am going to put a small book on the ground. I will not put anything over the book. How do I make it so that you can't jump over it?

put it next to wall/corner?

Dangit, you are good!!!

was too easy xd
my turn:

What can you cut while there will be no effect that you cut it?

No clue.

Hi Billy!

After reading that, I feel like a better person.

After reading that, I feel kind of useless!

Uncle Johnw as driving. There was no moon, or lightposts. He didn't have his car lights turned on. A lady in all black walked across the street. Luckily, Uncle John stopped just in time. How did Uncle John see the lady?

It was daytime.

OMG how do you guys get the answer so quickly???

Hi Aaron!

i know, but was fun to confuse my friends with this xd

If God is still Jewish, then watch this cartoon with "The Goy Who Stole Hanukah" and "The Cat In The Yarmulka."

In 1999, Jay Leno had a segment where he said, "Today is Dr. Seuss' birthday. He would have been 95 if he lived." Then Leno held up 2 books. They were "Green Plagues and Ham by Saddam I Am" and "Uncle Sam I Am." "Uncle Sam I Am" was about Bill Clinton. Then Leno said, "I did not make my intern lie. I did not make her touch my fly. I did not cheat on my spouse. I did not leave The White House."

"The Lorax" is in theaters. I just thought of something. "I am the Lorax, I speak for The Trees. I am a sick thorax, I speak and I wheeze."

I suppose that if Dr. Seuss were a comedian impersonating a Muslim then he could say:
I would not eat green eggs and ham.
They are not kosher in The Koran.
I would not eat them in Teheran.
I would not eat them in Iran.
I would not eat them in Iraq.
I would not eat them during an attack.

On "The Simpsons," Bart and Lisa go to Dr. Masseuse. The massage therapist said something like, "Be quiet while I massage your neck. If you want me to stop talking this way, write me a check."

I've noticed that some comedians broadcast on Indiana radio are non-Asian men married to Asian women. So I thought I’d pretend that I’m a comedian impersonating Dr. Seuss with Asian Fever:
I would travel by plane to photograph Sung Hi-Lee.
I would travel by train to skate with Kristy Yamaguchi.
I would watch The Price Is Right for Natasha Yi.
I would download pictures of Francine Dee.

I wrote the following Limerick too. If Dr. Seuss were Stephen King:
There once was a man from The Dead,
who lives underneath your bed.
He’ll awake you at night
In a terrible fright
And scare you out of your head.

If Dr. Seuss were a comedian impersonating a serial killer:
Welcome to Morgan’s Morgue.
You kill 'em, we chill 'em.