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    what I've written for a story for the final fight

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    lilmanjs
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    what I've written for a story for the final fight

    Post by lilmanjs on Mon Jul 09, 2007 3:25 pm

    here is my story that I started writing for the final fight. I don't really like it but I'd like some input on it. I think wlhack will still do the one that will be used though.
    story:

    THE FINAL FIGHT:
    The Untold Battles
    The Year is 1948 and B.J Blazkowicz thought that he had done his duty to defeat the nazis but that was about to change. He had moved to Greece because he said that he’d always wanted to live in Greece or Italy but Italy was in ruins and Greece was a more peaceful place all around to B.J. But little did he know that the allies had found several places of interest. These places of interest as spies and snipers had radioed back were what seemed to be the last nazi strongholds. But it seemed that every time someone would radio back and or send a message that they would never be heard from again. Only after the last guy George Herman sent a message back saying that he thought the nazis knew about the spies and snipers watching them did they think of sending people in to kill off the nazis. George Herman was never heard from again after that message.
    DATE: DECEMBER 16th, 1947
    B.J was sitting in a chair overlooking the beach behind his house. He had a nice house that was a 3 bedroom and 2 bath and as with most houses around him it was white. Out came B.J’s servant with a message saying that someone had left him a letter and it said top secret on it. B.J thanked the servant and opened the letter. The letter stated that B.J was selected to receive an award for his charity donations to help build several schools in the area. The date of the awards ceremony was January 14th, 1948. B.J thought to himself why would they send him a letter that was marked top secret and have it be about him receiving an award for his charity donations. B.J was puzzled to say the least.
    LOCATION: Somewhere in rural Germany
    Tell us what we want to know and we won’t harm you Mr. Herman. “Never You scumbags” Shouted Herman. I wouldn’t tell you a thing even if I could have control of the world you scumbags. Well then I guess you won’t mind if we use you as our little experiment. “You may come in!” shouted the General. A rather large man stepped into the room and shut the door behind him and said that he was glad to see George. He said that he would end up just like the last guy. Then he chuckled a little and said that George was going to test a new drug that helped people fall asleep really quickly and would give him a good night’s sleep in half the time. Herman tried to resist because he knew that it was a pill that would knock him out so they could turn him into some evil creature and erase most of his brain. The guards in the room pulled their guns out and pointed them at George and he was then given the pill. The sad thing is that he really was getting a pill that would let you sleep 4 hours and you would feel like you had 8 hours of sleep. When Herman woke up he was in a room and couldn’t really see anything at all. His vision was blurred and he thought that they must have drugged him. Then someone came in the room and said that he was stupid to not try to resist because the guards were told not to shoot any prisoners. Then at that moment Herman thought to himself “why did I not just make a break for it. I could have made it and not be strapped to this table.” That was his last thought as Dr. Schabbs took out a pistol and shot him in the head.
    Somewhere in Athens, Greece: January 18th, 1948
    Hello B.J. How are you doing today? “I’m doing just fine sir.” B.J. said. “I would like to know what I’m really doing here. I don’t think I would receive a top-secret letter that told me I was going to receive some awards for giving money and helping build some schools in the area. And who the heck are you anyways? I’ve never seen you before and I can tell by your uniform that you are from the American army.” “My name is Bill Johnson. I can tell you that tomorrow night that you will receive some awards for your work on several schools in the area, but as you have thought, you are not here for that. We have a problem that we thought only you could solve.” Johnson said. “I don’t think I can solve a problem on how to design a gun or how to make soldiers tougher.” B.J. said. Well that’s not the problem. Remember when you took out several of those old castles in Germany? Well there is a problem. Several groups of people that we sent to various locations in Germany did not return after they first radioed back to us what was going on at the places of interest. Only one man radioed back with any info that was useful to us. He found a map that one guard dropped when he was shot. Yes I say shot because we sent our best snipers and scouts out to check these places out. George Herman one of our best snipers radioed back to us that the map he found seemed to show the locations of a network of strongholds for the nazis. He said that if the nazis were trying to start some sort of new war that he thought that some divisions of troops should be sent over to stop the nazis. He also radioed back not long after that with a disturbing message:
    I think I can hear Hitler himself speaking to the troops right now. If only I could get close enough for you guys to hear this. This guy that sounds like Hitler seems to be giving a pep speech to his troops. That was the last we heard from him. We are fearful B.J. that all of our troops that we sent our dead or captured and used for horrible experiments. “Well now I’ve heard of this guy. I kept hearing of him when I was in the army. My fellow troopers kept talking about this Herman guy that was so silent and could hide so well that even his own fellow troops couldn’t find him most of the time. And they said that he could kill 4 people in less than 10 minutes.” B.J. said. After that he kept going on about all of the famous U.S. army guys he had heard of but was finally told to shut his mouth and listen. “I’ve got plane tickets for you to London B.J. Three weeks from now you will fly to London and us and the British will brief you on your mission. There are six places that you will have to go to. We have decoded the map and the heading says Route to my relatives places. Yes we know what it really means but more on that later my friend and possible savor of the free world.
    3 weeks later: London, United Kingdom
    Here you are sir. The U.S. Embassy. “Thanks” said B.J. as he handed the cab driver 40 pounds. “Now on with this mission. I didn’t think I’d ever half to be here again, but what do you know I’m here.” thought B.J. Once inside the embassy B.J. was escorted to a conference room with armed guards outside. He showed one of the guards his passport and was let in the room. “hello Mr. Johnson!” Its so nice to see you once again. And who might this other guy be.” “Well this would be Jeff Gatners.” He is the man that will make sure that you get from one place to the other with the utmost safety.” Bill said. Now shall we get started with the mission briefing?” Here is a blown up picture of the map that was sent back to us. As you can clearly see here the spot that we have circled is the best place for you to start out B.J. The name of that place is my grandfather’s old house. Now from what we know about that place it is the least guarded of the 6 strongholds but is far from a walk in the park. Reports state that it is heavily guarded and you may need some new weapons. “I can’t use my old trusted weapons?!” said B.J. That is right B.J., you can’t use those weapons but more on that later. We must and I stress “MUST” make sure that you know all about the 6 strongholds that you are going to enter. The others are called Grandma’s favorite store, Uncle Funer’s place, My Mother-in-law’s mansion, and the other 2 we don’t know the names of cause of the smeared ink as you can see. But we see that if the map was to fall into any normal person’s hands that they would think that they were looking at a map of someone’s relative’s houses. Now all we know about the other 4 are that they seem to be guarded a lot more than the one that you will enter. Rushing into the room at that moment was an officer of the U.S. army who seemed very excited about something. “Yes, what do you have for us?” Bill said. “I have a printout of a radio transmission from someone we thought was dead.” it reads: I have seen 2 men that should be dead. I think my eyes are deceiving me but I have seen Dr. Schabbs and Hitler. There is also a new man who looks to be from the Spanish army. He seems to go by Cabeza. I have not radioed back in a while due to the fact I was waiting till I was sure that they were gone. I fear that I’m the only one alive and that everyone else is dead. Nobody has contacted me in weeks and I am thinking that I may be going nuts. Still with my own eyes I saw Dr. Schabbs and Hitler walking and talking with soldiers. At night though I keep hearing awful screams that seem to always end in a matter that makes me think that soldiers are being killed. I can only hope…. “sir that was the end of the transmission as after that we heard some guys talking in German and a loud gun shot. Well now I guess we know a little more about what is going on here. You may leave now. Now I will hand it over to Gatners, for his part of the briefing. “I’m here to make sure that you know where to go after you get out of each place. I will personally be at each extraction point to make sure that you are safe. Now after you get through the first stronghold you will travel directly south 5 miles and meet up with us. Now in WWII we captured a ton of Nazi vehicles. To make sure that you have found the right one we will have a nazi symbol that is painted blue and pink. Yes I know pink is not a color you would think of us having handy to paint cars with but any other color and you would probably start shooting whoever is in the car. From then on we will tell you were to find us after you get though each stronghold. That is all from me and now back to Johnson. “B.J., you probably saw the door on your way to this room that has guards with rifles standing there.” said Bill. “Yes I did see a door with guards.” said B.J. “Well you are in luck, my friend. You are going to meet someone down there that is going to help you out with weapons. I have noticed that you didn’t take your jacket off. Now why is that?” “Well sir I brought my personal weapon along, the MP-60. I think it is a pretty good weapon and it packs a better punch than the MP-40 but I don’t think you will let me use it so I think I’d better leave it where ever you we are going next.” after going through the door with the guards standing next to it they went down a few flights of stairs through another door with guards and entered a top-secret firing range. This B.J. is where we test out prototype guns, and we have one that you just might like to use. Just then a man came though with a huge gun said hello and set up the gun to shoot. Think you can handle this gun B.J.? asked Bill. “ I don’t see how I can’t seeing as how it’s a little smaller than the chain gun that I used.” B.J. mockingly said. Are you ready to show this new weapon off to B.J. yet soldier? “Yes I am sir!” the man said. Then he started to fire the gun and then quit just as quickly as he had started firing the weapon. “See that paper target there B.J.” Bill said. “Yes I do.” B.J. excitedly said. Follow me. They went through a door and onto the range and looked at the target. There were holes where the bullets had gone though. B.J. looked on the floor for the bullets but he couldn’t find them. When he looked up at the wall he couldn’t help but say “holy hell!!” What he saw were the bullets lodged in the concert wall behind the target. “Where do I get one of these to use?” asked B.J. well the guy that shot the gun was shooting your gun. You might take it and get used to it before we ship you off. The gun is called the HKMS-940. You are, to put it into a short description, are testing the weapon. We would like to know if you ever do return what the weapon is like and what you think of it. Well here are directions to where you need to be tonight so that you can leave on time. “GOOD LUCK!” shouted Bill and Jeff together as B.J. left to get ready for what may be his “Final Fight”.


    Last edited by on Tue Jul 10, 2007 3:39 pm; edited 1 time in total





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    Re: what I've written for a story for the final fight

    Post by Schabbs on Tue Jul 10, 2007 8:20 am

    I think it's done quite well. A good storyline and just about the right amount of detail.



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    Re: what I've written for a story for the final fight

    Post by fireboy224 on Tue Jul 10, 2007 9:22 am

    thats perfect. so that is goin to be added in the READ This! thing? right?

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    Re: what I've written for a story for the final fight

    Post by Schabbs on Tue Jul 10, 2007 11:17 am

    If everyone agrees that we use it, then yes it will go into ReadThis (helpart).



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    Re: what I've written for a story for the final fight

    Post by lilmanjs on Tue Jul 10, 2007 12:08 pm

    well I edited the helpart file so the story is now done and is in the read this! section. I bet schabbs will make it look tons better.





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    Re: what I've written for a story for the final fight

    Post by lilmanjs on Tue Jul 10, 2007 3:40 pm

    the first post has been edited and now has the whole story. I hope you guys like the rest of the story.





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    Re: what I've written for a story for the final fight

    Post by WLHack on Tue Jul 10, 2007 4:02 pm

    This is far better than the story I wrote.
    You are an exellent writer James.
    Good work there... Good work.

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    Re: what I've written for a story for the final fight

    Post by drchainsaw on Tue Jul 10, 2007 4:18 pm

    I agree with WLHack, you are a very talented writer Cool



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    Re: what I've written for a story for the final fight

    Post by lilmanjs on Tue Jul 10, 2007 4:20 pm

    thanks guys. If anyone is making an addon and needs a story to go with the addon I will write one.





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    Re: what I've written for a story for the final fight

    Post by lilmanjs on Wed Jul 11, 2007 11:57 am

    anyone else want to share their thoughts on the story?





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    Re: what I've written for a story for the final fight

    Post by Dark_wizzie on Wed Jul 11, 2007 9:48 pm

    Shocked
    nice story. Smile
    long one too Suspect



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    Re: what I've written for a story for the final fight

    Post by Dark_wizzie on Wed Jul 11, 2007 9:48 pm

    Shocked
    nice story. Smile
    long one too Suspect



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    Re: what I've written for a story for the final fight

    Post by lilmanjs on Wed Jul 25, 2007 11:40 am

    its a nice story but its not as long as the one in EOD.





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    Re: what I've written for a story for the final fight

    Post by Henry Irons on Wed Dec 19, 2007 10:03 am

    The references to radio transmissions were put put to good use in the storyline for my annotated version. I think the two mesh very well together.

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